If relationships nourish us, what does your relationship with food say about how nourished you truly are? For so many of us our relationship with food and our bodies has a lot of drama. That drama brings with it shame about our desire to eat. We have become proficient at suppressing and ignoring our appetites for fear it will take us down a path of destruction.

I work with thin people who view food as something to be conquered for if the food wins, they will gain weight. I work with people who carry excess weight and view food as the demon that is the cause of their shame and misery. Food has become the enemy as we are mired in toxic beliefs about what food will do to us and willing ourselves not to eat has become an admirable expression of self love. Or is it more like self-destruction?

Appetite is life. We need to eat to survive. When we accept this and embrace it, we can let go of the negative self talk and begin to turn our thoughts around to those that will promote a relationship with food that is joyous, loving and free.

As with any relationship that is worth nurturing and saving, we must spend quality time with it. When we slow down, take time to recognize and respect the wisdom of our bodies, we can eat foods that both nourish and nurture. Denying hunger and our bodies’ messages, set us up for cravings that are legitimate in that we’ve created nutritional deficiencies that can be out-smarted for only so long.

These cravings are our bodies away of taking care of us when we fail to do so. Often these cravings lead us to choosing low quality foods, particularly low quality carbs as our bodies are calling for a fix but our brains don’t discern between what’s best and what’s readily available. Such indulgences lead to further nutrient depletion.

Nutritional deficiencies will present in other ways-mood swings and anxiety are often signs of low or fluctuating blood sugar. Immunity can be affected when we are low in essential nutrients. Sleep patterns, mental focus and clarity are compromised, not to mention energy levels. The stress that ensues just keeps the cycle going- feeling guilt and shame around eating negatively affects digestion, nutrient assimilation and metabolism. The very thing we are desperate to overcome is perpetuated.

A successful relationship starts with our relationship to ourselves; one that is built on acceptance, forgiveness, compassion and trust. Blaming our weight issues or a lack of discipline on a love for food when it involves obsession, binging and compulsion isn’t a fair reference to a loving relationship. We can only affect the change we want for our bodies when we accept them now. We can move forward from limiting beliefs when we forgive past hurts and find compassion for ourselves and the lessons learned. We can start to trust ourselves with food when we honor our hungers, all of them, and savor our food, eating without distraction.

Treat it as you would any one or any thing you want a loving relationship with. Savor it. Prolong the experience. Let it linger. Look forward to being satiated and know you can return for more. Relax into the experience, the uncertainty, the exhilaration of the journey for this is where the healing begins.