A month into this New Year and I am both amazed and dis-heartened by the amount and intensity of media coverage and the rush of new diets that promise instant results if only we work out harder, restrict certain food groups and learn to cook like celebrity chefs.

Pick up any magazine and you’ll see headlines catering to your insecurities about your body and presumed ignorance about what that body needs. Seventeen Magazine ran a headline, “Get an Insane Body, It’s hard But You’ll Look Hot”. Redbook’s cover boasts the “Taco Burger and Ice Cream Diet…Yum”. Talk shows are featuring actors and chefs turned nutritionists and lifestyle gurus. Amazon offers more diet books (80,820) than one could read in a lifetime. My inbox is inundated with daily emails inviting me to sign up for a 3-day detox or a 21 day cleanse, assuming I am toxic and unclean.

This makes me so very sad…Each day that I see clients in my office or speak to them from halfway around the world, I confirm that while what we eat is important to our health, well-being and waistlines, the extra weight that so many carry around is not the problem. It is merely a symptom, the body’s way of pointing out that something needs attention. Very often, that something is stress related, or an old issue that needs to be looked at and put to rest. Instead of resorting to methods that attack the extra weight, let’s embrace it, accept it, treat ourselves with loving kindness and relax into the process of letting go.

I’ve been there myself. Thinking that if I could just eat according to what the so-called experts have deemed correct, all would be wonderful with my body and my health. I’ve used food and my behaviors with it to check out and obsess over so as not to deal with more pressing matters. I have counted calories and carb grams, restricting both. I have included protein at every meal and been careful to eat enough healthy fats. I have gone Vegan, Vegetarian, Pescatarian, Nutritarian, gluten-free, and dairy free. I have practiced eating 3 times a day and 4-6 times a day. What these practices had in common were that they boxed me in to a mindset and if I deviated, I felt like I failed. and lacked willpower. Following the latest trends and hanging on to the words of someone whose body type may be impossible for you will only set you up for disappointment. While some dietary practices are better for me with regard to how satisfied I am, my energy level and productivity, glowing skin. and yes, my weight, the same may not be true for you. That is the lesson of bio-individuality, there is no one right diet for everybody.

What is missing from the messages is a calling for us to not only listen to our bodies but to include them in the conversation. Who are you when you sit down at the table? What experience do you want from your meal? When you eat, do you eat?

Are you a beautiful soul, reacting to your appetite, fueling your hunger in a way that will be satisfying and nourishing? Are you a 12 year old acting out because the day did not go as you had hoped? Are you taking in the smell, taste and texture of your meal, allowing yourself to slowly savor it? Are you feeling guilty about what you are about to eat or are you distracting yourself with TV, computer, phone or magazines?

When we ignore our appetites, we ignore life. Appetite is as vital as breathing. When we eat while distracted, our brains don’t register the sensory stimuli of the food, our organs don’t receive the message that food is on it’s way and our bodies demand more food. Have you ever scarfed down a meal, or a snack and feel like you haven’t eaten? Fast and mindless eating causes over-eating and over-eating puts us into a stress response.

When we restrict food, restricting vital nutrients we put ourselves into a stress response. Our bodies know we are deficient and will react by craving and not necessarily the healthy food we need.

Putting your body through the rigors of punishing exercise in an effort to make your body go away puts you into a stress response.

If you are eating while in that stress response, you will suffer from poor digestion, you won’t assimilate the nutrients form the food you are eating. Hormones cortisol and insulin will be released in an effort to deal with your stress but have a negative impact on the rate at which you burn calories and build lean muscle.

All of this is counter productive to the very thing you are trying to achieve.

The solution? Relax into the body you have. Be realistic in your goals. You may have weighed 5, 10 or 15 pounds less when you were 16 but do you really want to be 16 again? Eat real, fresh, seasonal and whole foods of the highest quality. Know that food is not the enemy – it is as necessary as oxygen. Experiment, tune in and discover what feels good for you.

If weight loss is your goal, find a program that makes sense for you and your life-style. A few weeks on a jumpstart can introduce you to a whole new way of feeling and moving. Engage in a plan that will be maintainable and sustainable for you.

Become the most brilliant version of yourself by accepting and honoring your hunger; and, when you eat, eat.